The Cloverfield Paradox Surprise Review, aka Thanks for the Heads Up, JJ Abrams

I've been less and less involved with the hype behind live tv events in general and I guess it's my own fault for missing the warning signs that The Cloverfield Paradox would be released immediately after the SuperBowl.

BUT I CAN STILL BE GRUMPY ABOUT IT, OKAY? I found out about this being released when I woke up at 4am and couldn't get back to sleep, so I was a little grumpy about actually having something productive to do at that hour. I don't know, I guess I really just need more sleep, that much I DO KNOW.

So what's the best thing to do when you can't sleep? WATCH A MONSTER MOVIE OF COURSE!

I think that's what I love most about what's been going on with this Cloverfield franchise: It's a monster movie without actually being a monster movie. It's whatever JJ Abrams wants that movie to be about most, and then oh yeah, it's also about these monsters.

In Cloverfield, we had the shaky-cam, found footage style film and some kind of event with mass hysteria. OH HOLY SHIT, there's this big ass Godzilla monster you almost kinda actually see right at the end of the movie.

In 10 Cloverfield Place, it was more of a paranoia story. Girl wakes up in a room with two kinda weirdos. She never sees anything, she's just told it's scary. Well, I don't know about you but when someone tells me not to do something that's the first thing I wanna do. What happens when she actually does it? OH HOLY SHIT, there's this big ass Godzilla monster! THE CREEPY GUY WAS RIGHT!

Now, with The Cloverfield Paradox, we're getting all laced up into the origin story of this mess. And OH HOLY SHIT, we might find out how the big ass Godzilla monster(s) got here.

 Credit: Netflix

Credit: Netflix

The film begins with Hamilton (Gugu Mbatha-Raw) sitting in the car with her husband hearing a radio report about a space station equipped with a power-creating device called the Shepard Accelerator. Her husband tells her to go, and we flash forward through the next 2 years of the Shepard Accelerator failing 47 times and the world below them getting more and more desperate.

The crew takes another stab at testing the Shepard Accelerator, and of course, something mysterious happens and they're nowhere near where they are supposed to be. And somehow, they're suddenly heavy a crew member: Engineer Mina Jensen. Somehow, she ended up trapped inside a maintenance panel, with wires and support beams piercing her body. Like, she just appeared there.

Where are they? When are they? Are their families on the Earth they can see or are those people just this new universes versions of their families? Who the hell is this chick? Where are the worms?

 Credit: Netflix

Credit: Netflix

The crew beings to get knocked off, one by one, and some in ways that will give you the heeby-jeebies a little bit more than others. And the ending fits in perfectly with the previous two Cloverfield installations.

Gugu Mbatha-Raw is amazing once again. I really enjoy watching her on screen but then I remember she's a few months older than me. And then I start to hate her a little bit because, goodness, I wish I was as poised as she presents herself.

And, I know I've said it before, but it really warms my cold, little heart when there are women of color fronting a sci-fi film like this. All I wanted as a little girl was to see Princess Leia pick up a lightsaber. In the past couple of years, I've gotten pretty close to that and so much more. Please, please, please, KEEP THIS UP HOLLYWOOD!

Hey guys, check out my arm. I think my arm is trying to write something. (later) What are you talking about, Arm?
— Mundy

Big ups to the ever necessary comic relief of Chris O'Dowd. Yes, I watched this at 4am on a Monday morning. But it was still dark, and I was creeped TF out, and I definitely needed a laugh.

I honestly think that I find this whole release perfect. People seem to think that films, projects, miniseries, etc being released on Netflix is somehow a failure to the project. What releasing to Netflix does is create a bit of a cash void, sure... but it gets more eyes on the project immediately.

All of the Cloverfield movies have been a little bit wonky as far as their releases. And each time a new Cloverfield movie is released, we get hooked hard and reeled in all over again!

From what I understand, there is still another planned Cloverfield movie yet to come. But, like this one, I'm not going to read too much into it because JJ Abrams literally does whatever the hell he wants. He probably reads fan theories just to steer his story away from where people are thinking it's going to go JUST TO BE THAT GUY.

So, is it better for The Cloverfield Paradox to have been released to the Black-Mirror-loving-masses, with less profit, better than the money that could have come from a wide release, in theaters? For a franchise with (so far) 3 different movies and 3 different directors, the only constant being the monsters and JJ Abrams... I think Abrams, who can probably pay all the bills I stress out about regularly without flinching, would see it from the angle of the film being released for the fans of the series.

If you're into actually watching a movie, and not staring at your phone while you half pay attention, then sit down and watch all of the Cloverfield films to date. And be just as mellow as I am about the possibility of a fourth Cloverfield film being released. If you don't, somehow JJ Abramhs will know... and he'll make story adjustments JUST to throw us off!